Things are changing. Again. This Army life is something else, I tell ya. A beautiful mess, really. I have so much respect for the men and women who devote their lives to this great country, but as a military spouse, I can tell you that this life is not for the weak of heart or mind. A military family that makes it is one hell of a strong family. So many families and relationships don’t make it in this way of life and I understand why. This life takes you far away from family and friends and comfortable surroundings. And it does it again and again, and again. I always hear that it takes a special kind of person to live this Army life, and I have to agree. Maybe “special” isn’t the right word. Maybe just a “certain” type of person. An individual that can handle this lifestyle will have to know how to be alone and independent. Their spouses will work long hours, spend weeks in the field, be gone for weeks or months for trainings, not to mention the dreaded year long deployments.

As an Army wife, I have fully accepted that the Army comes first to my husband. And while that may not seem completely right or fair, let me explain. I understand and accept his commitment and devotion to the US Army because he has chosen to give his life fully to the safety and care of his country. He is willing to die for me, my children and all of you reading this. That is HUGE. That is amazing. That is extremely admirable and I honor his decision every day. I honor all of those who have made this decision every day. My husband gets up at 4:30am most days, lets the dogs out, feeds them and leaves for work when it’s still dark and most of us are still fast asleep. He works long hours and often gets home late. Many evenings, the boys and I eat without him. It’s just the norm for us. I don’t even ask when he’s coming home anymore. I just wait for a text that says, “On my way.”

We don’t communicate much during the week, and he will often only get back to me if there is an emergency. Drives me batshit, but I get it. He’s in charge of a lot. He’s under a lot of stress as a Company Commander. People have high expectations of him, and being the man that he is, he has high expectations of himself. My husband has never done just enough to get by. At least not during the years that I have known him. He always gives 100% and his integrity and character are top notch. If there’s anyone you want working for the well-being and protection of this country, it’s him. I guess that’s why I try not to complain (too much). A lot of people in this world are looking to see what they can get out of this life, and my husband (and thousands of others), are living lives of service.

It’s hard as hell and infuriating at times, being a military spouse. We spend a lot of our time exhausted and angry, lonely and uncertain. So much of our lives are up in the air, and while we experience periods of “stability,” the next move or deployment is always lingering in the back of our minds. What’s coming next? Something’s always coming next. That’s the only thing that’s certain in this life. You’re going to have to move a lot. You are going to have to be on your own a lot. You’re going to have to meet a lot of people and make new friends over and over. You are going to miss out on a lot of life with your extended family. You’re going to cry. A lot.

But guess what? While I could go on and on about some of my hardest days as an Army wife, I want to share with you some of the good stuff, and there’s a lot. Yay. I love adventure and moving around. I love the process of moving into a new house and decorating it. Buying plants. Gardening. Figuring out where to hang stuff and making it a cozy, pretty place. That’s fun for me. It may sound weird, but I like change. As a kid, I saw neighbors moving all around me, and I wanted to move, too. I longed for a new place. I was always moving my furniture around in my bedroom and giving it a fresh new look. My mom was always shocked that I was strong enough to move my heavy dresser and bed. I was determined, that’s for sure. I think I was born with a gypsy soul. Living in one place for 18 years was good in many ways, but once I was out of the house, I knew in my heart that I was never going back.

It doesn’t surprise me at all that I ended up a military wife. The nomadic lifestyle always appealed to me. I want to see and experience new things. Life gets stale after a while and I get this itch. The Army scratches it for me every few years with a move. I love that. This June we find out about another possible adventure and I am trying to be present and enjoy right now, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to know what’s next.

There comes this time where after a few years, everyone you know in one area starts moving away to their next location and it starts to get weird. Everyone’s looking for new houses and trying to sell or rent the ones they currently inhabit. We all talk about our next duty station and try to get psyched even if the next place isn’t really so great. We Army wives like to say that any place can be a positive experience; you just have to be openminded and openhearted- it’s all what you make it. I don’t know how true that is, but I know some pretty amazing Army wives and they manage to make the best of things no matter where they are, and damn, that’s inspirational.

It’s all about the people. If you connect with some awesome folks, you’ll be okay. Eight years ago we were stationed at Ft. Knox, KY. I was naive and had a new baby, and it was my first time living on a military post. I was so excited to move to Kentucky. Looking back, way more excited than I should have been. (Sorry KY. You are beautiful, though!) I loved my little house and neighborhood. I felt so safe and happy. We had our kitchen table by the window facing the front yard, and we would eat dinner and yell out “Hello!” to neighbors walking by. Such a wonderful sense of community I felt there. There is a bond between military families. Nobody can understand your life except another military spouse. That’s the God honest truth. People can empathize and have compassion, but they can never really get this life unless they are living it, too.

Shortly after we moved to Kentucky, my husband, Dennis, invited another Army family over for dinner. I was nervous, but excited, as I had no friends and was a bit lonely. This couple had a daughter the same age as our son. They were just babies and we plopped them on the floor and watched them meet and interact. They were each others first Army friends, and so darn cute! As we ate dinner, we learned a lot about each other. We both had been nannies when we met our husbands, and we both had a boxer and 2 cats. Weird, right? Even though she was from Croatia and I was from New Jersey, we both managed to end up in Ft. Knox, KY, married to a soldier with a young baby. Always a seeker of signs, these similarities were not lost on me. I knew that we would be friends. How could we not? We basically had the same exact life! Except she had a girl and I had a boy.

Well, I can tell you that my hunches were spot on, and our kids are now going on 9 and we are still together! We are currently at our 3rd post together, and we each added a second child to our families a few months apart (our boys are 6). I have no idea how I got so lucky to have this army wife by my side all these years, but I will be forever grateful. She has always been there for me. When shit hit the fan when my husband was in Afghanistan, she’s who I called. She took me to the ER. She took my kids. She checked on me to see if I needed anything. Even though there were times I was alone, I knew she was nearby and that brought me comfort.

Well guess what? Our time together is coming to an end. I can hardly write the words. My heart is heavy for so many reasons. This Army family, who I now consider real family, is moving away in a few weeks. It hurts to think about it, really. Our kids have grown up together. We’ve gone through pregnancy together. Lost animals. Got new animals. Multiple housewarmings and birthday parties and beach trips and shopping trips and bbq’s. We’ve counseled each other and supported each other through all the shit that comes with this way of life. Ana, you have been a gift to me and I am eternally grateful for your presence in my life. I know we will be friends forever, but the end of this era is painful, indeed. Maybe we’ll end up in the same place again. Anything is possible in this crazy world, right? I know one day we’ll travel to your home in Croatia, and I cannot wait to explore your beautiful country. While I know that we will always be connected, I will so miss having you nearby. I think the last three places we’ve lived have so easily felt like home because you guys were there, too. Such a blessing. The Universe has brought me the best people and I feel so damn lucky. We don’t get mushy a lot, but you know that I love you dearly and would do anything for you.

This Army life is beautiful, but it’s also so very hard. It brings families together and then takes them apart. While this life has been good to me, I still count down the years until we will (perhaps?) retire and become civilians once again. I’ll get my husband back. What will that be like? So many adventures yet to be had. My husband likes to say that I knew what I was getting into when I married a soldier, but baby, ain’t no way I knew what the hell I was really getting into. Nope. No one knows this life till they live it. I’m grateful for all who serve, and after these last 14 years, I can say with confidence, that, as an Army wife, I have served too. It’s taken some time, but I get it now. I take care of my husband and children so that my husband can do his absolute best at serving our country. I am a stay-at-home-mom to a couple of fantastic Army brats, and that’s my full-time job. I’m proud of that. And to all of you struggling, badass military wives out there, I see you and you are amazing, and you are serving this country, too. Every. Day. I am so proud to be a part of such a stellar sisterhood. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

* I wish these pictures were in chronological order, but you get the drift. These are some lucky Army brats and I love them dearly.