I almost titled this post, “Oops, I did it Again,” but that felt silly and cliche, so I chose something else that seemed fitting. The “Oops” that I would be referring to is that I backed into another vehicle. Again. That makes 2 this past year. What the hell?! The first one happened as I was backing out of my parking space at Kroger as somebody else was doing the same. Obviously, neither of us had a back-up cam at that time. However, yesterday as I was backing out of my driveway in my Highlander, which does have a back-up cam, I still managed to smash into my neighbor’s car parked across the street. While nothing too terrible happened, this event has left my mind spinning. Nobody was hurt. I have insurance. Everything will be taken care of fairly easily because we are responsible adults who are capable of following a plan of action. Auto claim was made. Liability was accepted. And sweet neighbor’s Honda Pilot will be repaired. All is well, right? Well, not in my brain, unfortunately.

It has me quite rattled that I basically backed down a relatively long driveway without ONCE looking back or even down at the back-up camera. With two boys in the backseat and our little pug up front with me, I just zoomed down the driveway until, bam, we crashed into a parked car. Where had I been at that moment? Where was my mind? How careless could I possibly be? What has me sick is that I could have run over a child or pet with such an unconscious act. That is terrifying to me. My lack of presence caused this crash. We were running a few minutes late and I was frazzled. I think as parents, we can all attest to moments like this. Life is crazy. It can be rushed. We always seem to be running against the damn clock. Sometimes, we just find ourselves going, going, going until we eventually hit a wall, or in my case, a parked car. This ridiculous crash into a parked car has not been taken lightly by me. I pride myself on my meditation and yoga practices, but when you can’t get out of your own driveway safely, it’s pretty obvious your missing something. I don’t want to beat myself up here, but I know there is a lesson in all of this. I’m sure there are several.

First of all, I need to slow down. I have a lot of energy and can be quite a spastic individual. I have a hard time sitting still and often find myself doing 17 things at once. Hence, my commitment to yoga, meditation and regular exercise. My energy needs to be harnessed and used in productive ways that are good for me and those around me. I will continue my practices and will not rest on my laurels, which can be easy to do sometimes. I am a human and so I make mistakes. I will not guilt trip myself endlessly for this crash, but I will do my best to be more present in each of life’s moments.  As I was doing yoga this morning, the teacher was talking about being “peacefully present,” and I just loved the sound of that. My natural state is definitely not one of peaceful presence, but it’s something to work toward.

After the accident, I was shaking and asking the question many of us ask when something bad occurs, which is why is this happening? I just wanted to sink into despair and cry because I ruined our playdate and my neighbor’s car and now I was in a big mess. Again. Although, really, as a friend who was there reminded me, it wasn’t that bad. She reminded me that no one was hurt and I have insurance. She reminded me that there are people out there with real problems, like people are dying and children are seriously ill and fighting for their lives. I, on the other hand, was a distracted mom who hit a parked car. Just like that, my perception of reality changed and I was back in the light. I saw so much grace in that moment I almost cried. I was so grateful that I didn’t hurt anyone with my mindless behavior. It all could have been so much worse than it was. I was blessed with so much gratitude, which, I gotta tell ya, feels a million times better than victimhood.

Yesterday, despite the crash, was a pretty awesome day. My neighbor was kind and gracious and super pleasant to deal with even though I had wrecked her car. I got to hang out with one of my best friends, and our kids played together outside on a beautiful sunny spring day. I made my family a nice meal for dinner and took my dogs for a walk as the sun set. My husband put the boys to bed and then we watched a couple episodes of Peaky Blinders, which is amazing, and if you have Netflix, you need to watch! So, yeah, yesterday had a big bump, but I didn’t let that bump ruin my entire day. I let the rest of the day flow and I actually felt calm and grateful. Maybe even a bit “peacefully present.” Perhaps the yoga, meditation and crystals in my pocket are working after all. 😉