A few months ago, my phone addiction became a bit uncomfortable. I would be in the kitchen making dinner and after each step of cooking the meal, I found myself over by the phone, checking Instagram or my text messages. Looking for notifications. Looking for validation. Looking for my sweet hit of dopamine or whatever happens to your brain when you get attention from a rectangle that you can’t seem to put down. My phone began to feel like a shackle of sorts. Like it had a grip on me. A very strong grip that started to make me feel rather frustrated and irritable. As I was becoming more aware of  my phone’s hold over me, I read about another woman having the same issue. Her name is Laura McKowen. Laura is an amazing lady and a recovery warrior. I definitely recommend you follow her on IG if addiction of any sort is part of your story. And let’s face it, we are all addicted to something. The substance of choice is just different for everybody. Some of us like alcohol and some of us like shopping or eating copious amount of cake. This society thrives on us not being able to control ourselves when it comes to our addictions. Addictions are good for capitalism. Ok, I am digressing here. Back to my phone and how I couldn’t put the damn thing down.

I read Laura’s blog and related. A lot. At that time, I had already started keeping my phone in the kitchen when I went to bed because I wanted a more peaceful sleep routine. There had been a few occasions where I would wake up in the middle of the night, see my phone laying on the bedside table and just start scrolling away. I kept reading about how bad it is to have technology by your head at night, so I decided to get it away from my place of peace-my beloved, beautiful, wannabe Temper-Pedic bed. I found this practice quite freeing. Walking away from my phone at night felt really good. It relaxed me. It calmed me and my overactive mind. Nowadays, since I committed to waking at 5am to write and meditate, the phone is placed on the other side of the bedroom so that I can hear the alarm when it goes off and I have to jump out of bed to shut it off. After I turn off the alarm, I wait at least an hour before checking my phone. I don’t want to feed my addiction straight out of the gate. I am choosing to feed my soul first thing and it’s making a big difference on how I experience my days. My mornings are way more peaceful and easy going than they used to be. Unless you are a brain surgeon who has to check on her patient’s status, I think you can probably wait an hour before scrolling. It’s mindless at that hour anyway. Spend some time getting mindful instead. Just a suggestion. All I’m sharing here is what has been working for me. I don’t have all the answers. I’m just a human trying to be free in a world that doesn’t want me free.

As I became more aware of my obsessive phone use, so did my son, Sam. You know it’s bad when your 7 year old keeps making snarky comments about you and your beloved phone. One evening at soccer practice, he came over to the bleachers for some water and I tried to hide my phone. He goes, “Mom, I see you hiding your phone. Every time I look over, you’re on your phone and not watching me.” I felt gut punched. And embarrassed. I was surrounded by other parents who were also on their phones, so that helped ease the pain, but still.  After that interaction with Sam, I decided to make more of an effort to just put my phone down throughout the day and walk away. Cut my chains and walk into some freedom and presence. Enjoy some time throughout the day to just be with my family or myself. I’ve even gone out to eat a few times with my guys and left the phone at home. I cannot tell you how good it feels to open that front door and walk out free as a bird. Free to just enjoy my husband and my kids with no distractions to pull me away. When the kids were smaller, we’d just hand them our phones so they’d be distracted long enough for us to get our food down our throats before a meltdown occurred. Now that they are 7 and 9, I prefer to do dinners out with no phones so that we can just talk and be together. It’s actually really fun. We talk and they draw on the kids’ menus and have art contests. It’s quality family time and I love it. There were years when we didn’t take our boys to restaurants at all because it was just a hellish experience, but now that they are older, it’s a good time.

I don’t want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember their mom with a phone in her face. That thought makes me sick to my stomach and it’s a great motivator for putting the phone down more frequently. I’m also trying to put the phone away when we are snuggling on the couch at night. I don’t want my phone sitting on the coffee table being a constant reminder that something more interesting than them might pop up at any minute with a ring or a beep. Our kids see us constantly on our phones and they don’t like it. I know we live in the technological age and there is no going back, but we can assert some self-control. We can make some healthy changes that help our personal relationships. We can set aside some time each day to walk away from our phones, if just for an hour or two. I don’t think that’s too crazy of an idea.

Now with all that being said, I want you to know that I still love my phone. Very much. I love being able to text or call my loved ones at any time, from anywhere. I love how I can find out anything with a few simple taps on a screen. I love being able to take pictures whenever and wherever I like. My phone is awesome. I love it. But I want to live a life in which it is evident that I own my phone, not the other way around. I am always looking for ways to increase freedom and joy in my life, and mindful phone usage is a big part of that. We can lose ourselves in technology or we can use it mindfully on the way to finding ourselves. We can make different choices and create healthier habits. We have the power within us to use technology for good. There is no going back, so being mindful and aware is how we stop ourselves from becoming zombies. I don’t want to be a phone zombie, do you? Let’s be alive and awake instead. Do some living sans phone today. You won’t regret it.