Glennon Doyle got my head spinning this morning as I was watching her IG stories. She was asked a question about parenting and shielding our kids from pain, and feeling guilty when we fail at this. Her response resonated with me big time. Glennon said that we think that our job as parents is to protect our children from any and all pain, but that just isn’t the case. At all. In her words, kids that are extremely protected from all pain and suffering basically “end up sucking.” I love this woman because she shares mad truth and makes you laugh, too. The people in life that can teach you while making you giggle, those are the best teachers. But seriously, pain is okay, and pain is part of the human experience. We, as moms and dads, are here to help, guide and love our little ones through the pain. Glennon said that our kids need to “walk through the pain,” and this is a truth I feel deeply within my mama bear heart.

I guess this message hit me hard today because my kids are going through some pain due to some big life changes coming up. Since they are army kids, they’ve lost some of their closest friends recently, and today two of our dear pets are going to live with my parents while we prepare for our cross country move. Dennis is now a Foreign Affairs Officer and we will be going to California so that he can go to language school there. My younger boy has been crying a lot lately. It’s been difficult to witness and breaks my heart, but I offer hugs and love when he breaks down. I tell him its ok to be sad. That I am sad, too. But then I tell him that great adventures are ahead, and that Nikita and Lily are going to have adventures of their own and lots of love in Pennsylvania. We share our sadness and let our hearts feel the pain, but after he melts down and wipes his tears, he comes over and we hug and he eventually calms down and is able to move on. His sadness comes in waves, and I just have to be there for him when they crash and he falls apart. Army life comes with so much change, and as my kids get older, I am seeing how this change really affects them. I know they will have sad times, but I know they will also have amazing experiences, see beautiful things and meet lots of interesting and different people. I see so many opportunities for them in our lifestyle, and I believe that, for us, the good outweigh the bad.

I love my boys madly, and want the best for them always. Protecting them from pain at all costs does not actually serve them or their future. Life is full of ups and downs, and pain is inevitable. I think to be able to experience some pain as a child is actually very important, because a child who is taught how to properly deal with and express his/her pain is more likely to know how to do so as an adult. Processing feelings, positive and negative, is something our kids need guidance with, not complete avoidance and protection from. We do the world a favor when we let our kids feel a little bit of pain. Say no. Set limits. Let them be sad sometimes. We can create little monsters if we don’t. And these little monsters can potentially become big monsters, or just adult assholes. The world needs less of both, let’s be honest.

I know it hurts to see your kids in pain. I hate it, too. I just want to see them happy and smiling. However, I do them and their future a disservice when I try to protect them too fiercely. Learning how to deal appropriately with pain is a crucial life lesson, and one that I want to help my boys practice as they grow up under my care. I want them to be able to come to me when they are hurting. I want them to know that their mom is always a safe and nurturing source of love and compassion. (Well, maybe this is stretching it a bit, but you get my drift;) I know for a fact that there is pleasure and pain in our future. And that is ok. That is normal. That is being human. That is life. We are here to embrace and feel it all. Don’t protect your children from all pain. Guide and love them through it. Thank you, Glennon Doyle for always handing out your wisdom to struggling moms. Mommin’ is one wild, crazy and beautiful trip. Power to you all. We can do this. It all passes. All of it. Enjoy the moment and do your best.

Happy Weekend!