I am a mother. I love my boys fiercely. I’d do anything for them, as would most parents for their children. Today, this included doing something I couldn’t believe I was actually doing. After hearing about threats being made on the bathroom wall in our local high school yesterday, I had to be honest with my kids. I had to let them know, at 6 and 8 years old, that this is a sometimes scary world we live in, and they may not always be safe from harm. As a parent, this is utterly heart wrenching. I told my kids about the recent Parkland High School deaths, and then told them if there is ever anyone with a gun in their school, get on the floor and play dead. I got down flat on the dining room floor and showed them what to do, since they told me they had had fire drills and tornado drills, but no active shooter drills. I am sure those are to come, but not having any guidance, I thought that this made sense. How insane this all is. How tragic that I have to tell my little boys to play dead if anybody comes trying to kill them. These are horrific times. The sadness is overwhelming and my heart hurts so badly for those suffering from loss right now. This nightmare has to end. We, as a nation, cannot go on like this. Change must come and it must come now. Our children are being murdered. Schools are a war zone. So many of our precious youth are living in fear of what may come, when they should be living in anticipation of good times with friends, dances, movie dates and beach trips. I don’t want my kids worrying about being shot while they are learning about adjectives and adverbs, but here we are. This IS happening. There is no longer any room for denial or avoidance when our children are killing each other. We have to be honest with them and with ourselves, no matter how painful this may be.

After I explained to my boys about “playing dead,” I changed the conversation quickly to love and kindness. Kids who lack love, guidance and real nurturing are at risk for becoming dangerous people. I believe this wholeheartedly. I told my boys to always be kind. To everyone. I told them that people whose hearts hurt are the people who end up hurting others. I’ve told my kids many times in the past that you never know what is going on in somebody’s home life. I tell them that not all kids have a happy home to go to, and maybe that’s why they act out in class. I’m trying my best to teach my boys compassion and empathy, but it’s hard. They are young and like to think about themselves and what makes them happy, which is totally normal. It’s my job to keep filling their minds with positive thoughts, and more importantly, showing them by example how to live positively. Our example is how they learn the most. They watch us like hawks, so lets start being more aware of that.

I am so proud of the students from Parkland High School and from high schools all over America. They are standing up for themselves. For their LIVES. They are intense and strong and beautiful, and give me so much hope for the future of this country. These amazing kids taking action, and not giving in to the powers that be, fills my heart with love. With gratitude. With faith and hope and joy. They are my heroes. I firmly believe that things can change in this country. I believe that we are waking up in this nightmare, and that we are now heading toward the light. My hearts bursts with pride as I watch these young people give speeches with such passion and clarity. They make me believe that change is possible. That it IS, indeed, coming. I hope my husband and I are raising kids that will care like that. More than A’s and B’s, I pray that my kids give a damn about this life and that they want to make the world a better place.

To be honest, I am just a stay-at-home-mom who wants to do a good job raising her kids. While gun laws are definitely in need of change, there is more to this darkness and pain in our youth. Our kids need love. So much love. Please listen to your babies. Even when they are jerks and make you nuts. Our kids need to know that they are seen. That we, their annoying parents, want to hear what they have to say. That their feelings matter. Let’s annoy them with our nagging. Our hugs. Our questions. Our rules. Our guidelines. Our structure. Let’s show them how much they mean to us. Every. Single. Day. Does hugging and kissing your child make you uncomfortable because you are not a touchy feely person? Suck it up and do it anyway. Parenting isn’t always comfortable, lets be honest. But our kids need our affection more than we need to be comfortable. And our kids don’t just need our hugs and kisses so they don’t end up being killers, but so they know how to be close and intimate in their own relationships throughout their lifetime. Let’s give them a head start on how to be in relationships now, while they are still young. Let’s help them know the comfort of closeness and affection, so they know how to bring it into their own families someday. Let’s save them the struggles and therapy. Well, they may need the counseling for other reasons, but let’s not let love and affection be one of them. Love is the most important thing in raising a child. And it doesn’t hurt to show love for their friends, either. Let’s remember to love and embrace all the young people in our path, because expressing that love could make a difference. Love can always make a difference.

(post was originally written on February 28, 2018)